chrys-a-lis [kris-uh-lis]

chrys-a-lis [kris-uh-lis]
–noun,
1. the hard-shelled pupa of a moth or butterfly; an obtect pupa.
2. baffeling object of imaginary play known to confuse babysitters and caretakers: Hey, Jackie look! I'm a chrysalis!

It’s Not That Easy John Mayer

I find it strange that it's not my thoughts and feelings that change according to the people I’m with but rather my ability to convey them.

With most people, I just want them to get me.

I want them to hear my thoughts and appreciate me more for them, for my openness and honesty.

They don’t have to agree with me.

I want to be heard.

And yet I’m unable to “say what I need to say”.

Yeah, yeah, so everyone in the world relates. What’s the big deal?

Here’s the thing.

Sometimes, with some people, it just clicks.

My heart and mind and mouth work together and I find myself amazed at the truth in the words I’m speaking.

I don’t get it. What influences me to say it right?
Why do I get it wrong so often?

Is it the person I’m with?

Maybe their nature is more accepting, more open.

Maybe I know they’ve experienced the same things.

Is it my fear of judgment? What will they think about how I feel?

Or maybe it’s me getting it wrong so many times previous
I’m bound to finally get it right.

My mood, the time of day, the weather...

Maybe it’s because all of the eagles have lined up on the equator and created summer all year around.

Whatever it is, it is so absolutely freeing to fully express yourself 

and I thank God for those moments of clarity.

Lately

I've been feeling really left out of things.