chrys-a-lis [kris-uh-lis]

chrys-a-lis [kris-uh-lis]
–noun,
1. the hard-shelled pupa of a moth or butterfly; an obtect pupa.
2. baffeling object of imaginary play known to confuse babysitters and caretakers: Hey, Jackie look! I'm a chrysalis!

It’s Not That Easy John Mayer

I find it strange that it's not my thoughts and feelings that change according to the people I’m with but rather my ability to convey them.

With most people, I just want them to get me.

I want them to hear my thoughts and appreciate me more for them, for my openness and honesty.

They don’t have to agree with me.

I want to be heard.

And yet I’m unable to “say what I need to say”.

Yeah, yeah, so everyone in the world relates. What’s the big deal?

Here’s the thing.

Sometimes, with some people, it just clicks.

My heart and mind and mouth work together and I find myself amazed at the truth in the words I’m speaking.

I don’t get it. What influences me to say it right?
Why do I get it wrong so often?

Is it the person I’m with?

Maybe their nature is more accepting, more open.

Maybe I know they’ve experienced the same things.

Is it my fear of judgment? What will they think about how I feel?

Or maybe it’s me getting it wrong so many times previous
I’m bound to finally get it right.

My mood, the time of day, the weather...

Maybe it’s because all of the eagles have lined up on the equator and created summer all year around.

Whatever it is, it is so absolutely freeing to fully express yourself 

and I thank God for those moments of clarity.

Lately

I've been feeling really left out of things.

I've got it bad.

I thought I knew what love was.
And then I went to a roller derby bout.

Championships Saturday December 5th.

Join me for the best night of your life.

Kisses, Babies and Bathrooms

I’ve definitely had an interesting weekend.

Friday night I babysat 12 kids, you know the usual for any babysitter... with only three crying incidents and five time-outs I consider the night a success. One of the four-year-olds (there are 4 total) decided that he was going to kiss all of the girls and let me tell you, some of them were not happy. One came and sat next to me for 20 minutes to be protected from kisses. The kisser ran over to me (to the intense giggles of the kissee next to me) and asked in such desperateness, “Jackie? When am going to get a girlfriend?” I laughed and before I had a chance to answer he said, “Oh I know, when I’m in college” and ran away to terrorize the hearts and cheeks of the girls upstairs.

Saturday I went to my cousin’s baby shower and had this conversation with my aunt:
“So Jackie, when are you going to have a baby?
“I…uh…”
“Oh. I guess you should get married first...Well, do you have a boyfriend?”
Hahaha, man oh man…or I guess man, no man.


My cousin has her own bakery called Kari’s Cakes and she makes the most wonderful things. Here are some of the things she made for her shower:

I want her to do my wedding cake.


At my aunt’s house they have this bathroom completely covered in mirrors and it’s the most absurd thing. You can see everything from every angle, including when you’re sitting on the toilet.

There was also a decorate a onesie contest and I won :)

Later that night I drove 10 mph on the freeway, broke my camera and did The Jerk in front of a 7-11, all for the sake of a scavenger hunt.  Good thing we won!!

It's now Sunday and Sunday Night Movie Glory with Arielle, Jackie and Justin has just ended.

We watched The Brothers Bloom and I loved it.

Ah yes, now off to Monday...

The Joys of Jr High

     Every once in a while a jr higher develops a crush on me. Well, it’s not just me, but all the leaders get a little crusher here or there. Anyways, two years ago it was Cooper. He was always an affectionate kid but he was also very touchy-feely, leaning against me and hugging me awkwardly all too often. Over the years we had many talks about what was appropriate and what wasn't. Apparently these talks didn't sink in.
     Last week I was signing kids in for an event (which cost $30) when Cooper (now 16) walked up to the table. I said, "Hey Cooper! You owe me 30 bucks." He then proceeded to lean over the table, smile mischievously and say "How about 20 and dinner?" Now, I laughed of course, because it's a great line, and smiling at him replied with, "Give me the money Coop." He came around the table, put his hands down on it, leaned in and said in all seriousness, "How about 40 and dinner?"
     I couldn't handle it. I wanted to laugh but I didn’t want to encourage him so I held it in. I was also entirely embarrassed and worried that the other leaders were watching. Looking down I bluntly said, "Nope." and put out my hand for the money. After a second or two where I could feel him starting at me he handed me the money and moved on to the next station.
     Oh, if only the story where over here.
     Last night I went to see Where the Wild Things Are with some of the youth group leaders. Who ends up meeting us there? Yep. Cooper. How does he just show up at a movie a few days after the awkwardness? I was fretful by the time I got to the Plaza. When I saw him he looked at me with this little glimmer of joy in his eye and said, "Jackie!" with a bit too much enthusiasm. I smiled the best I could manage and hurried past his outstretched arms and bought my ticket. I was hesitant to go to the bathroom because I was worried that Rachel (who knew the whole story and thought it was hilarious) would make me sit next to him, but, God is good. As I entered I saw Cooper on the end. So I of course went to sit next to him and we are now in love. Right. I sat five seats away and didn't make eye contact the entire movie. At the end of the night our usual hug was replaced with a quick wave goodbye.

It was a great line, but really now…